A review and ranking of the Dive Bar Nutrition Protein Bars from their four-bar variety pack. Flavors include Trash Can Cookie, Salted Caramel Pretzel, Peanut But Her Chocolate Chip, and Divorce Cake.
Overall Review & Verdict
It should go without saying that the names of these protein bars are clever and bluntly funny, and the packaging resembles a run-down, brightly lit bar with neon signs on the front…
… or, well, a dive bar!
Like a bar, expect to get buzzed—these have a generous 90 mg of caffeine! The other macros are good, having fewer than 200 calories each yet still hitting 16g of protein. Their makeup primarily consists of whey protein, soluble corn fiber, various sugar-based syrups, and stevia, with other ingredients added depending on the flavor.
Opening the box up, these come with a notecard. The notecard suggests ways to cook it, including microwaving and air frying. Surprisingly, on the other side, it says to let it cool if it comes melted in any way—which, what a coincidence, mine did! With that, I threw it in the freezer for a few minutes before reviewing.
I’m not sure if it was because I cooled them to room temperature, but these were quite oily and greasy, likely because they were partially melted to begin with. Nonetheless, they have a pliable texture that reminds me of a Quest bar. In fact, even their appearance looks like Quest bars, both in appearance and size. Biting into them yields a soft and chewy mouthfeel as well.
Overall, these are sweet, even reaching candy-bar levels. However, none of the flavors tastes like them in particular; these are a smidge more genuine-flavored, and in addition, nothing resembles a weird or off protein bar flavor either. Essentially, you really do get a candy bar in protein bar form without the downsides! At least, in terms of flavor, because the composition of these is definitely more or less your typical, chewy, and thick protein bar.
The verdict? Think regular Quest bars, but without any of the flavor or artificial downsides—and they’re sweeter! If anything, I’d appreciate some layers. Still, some of the flavors have substantial embedded bits that really make you notice!
Flavor Ranking
1. Peanut But Her Chocolate Chip
In terms of looks, it has large chocolate chip bits embedded in the bar. Smell-wise, yup, that’s a chocolate peanut aroma for sure! Now, does it taste like one?
Absolutely! The flavor is really tasty and quite sweet. It has a slightly stronger, more authetic, darker chocolate chip flavor, with a peanut secondary flavor that still pops. It feels like they mixed in Jif with a peanut-based candy bar and then added too many chocolate chips. In terms of texture, too, the chocolate chips, while not extraordinarily crunchy by any means—they’re pretty soft—do add some nuance to the mouthfeel because of their size and amount.
Interestingly, these taste a lot like Trash Can Cookie but with the addition of peanut. To me, this peanut addition adds so much more nuance and contribution to the overall flavor profile.
2. Salted Caramel Pretzel
Mostly uniform-looking, with some caramel-pretzel-like pieces. Unfortunately (or not?), these are mostly sweet, caramel-tasting, with maybe just a hint of salt. Really, from my taste buds, this flavor is simply a sweet, authetic caramel that doesn’t come across as fake or overly pronounced. Essentially, add a bunch of sugar to caramel syrup—this is exactly that!
Lastly, regarding mouthfeel, I didn’t really feel that the embedded pieces added much. It’s a pretty uniform feeling overall. For this protein bar, the flavor really carries the entire experience.
3. Trash Can Cookie
Colorful, large, and small M&M-like pieces are embedded throughout this cookie-colored bar. And boy, while they’re soft, they’re large, and there are a generous number of them, enough to notice and give you a contrast to the soft, chewy mouthfeel.
In terms of taste, it’s very close to the Peanut But Her flavor, but without the peanut addition. It’s a chocolately, chocolate-chip-tasting bar, like they added large M&Ms to a protein bar—yum! And like an M&M, they’re just as sweet.
4. Divorce Cake
These look pretty cool! Not only are there confetti-looking pieces, but solidified string-like pieces are also ingrained in these—icing, maybe?!
First off, interestingly, these are the least sweet of the variety pack, yet still fall on the sweeter side. It’s a clear vanilla; however, I’m not sure I’d call it cake-flavored; it’s simply a smooth, sugary vanilla that’s pleasantly tasty. Yes, smooth and sweet at the same time! Nonetheless, I am disappointed that it’s not explicitly cake- or birthday-cake-flavored.
Lastly, those strings of icing do add a mild contrast, providing a small addition to the already chewy bar. They give you a milder chewiness and a thicker feeling when you hit them, which, to be clear, while not a huge addition, is a nice touch.