Reviewing and ranking the No Cow Plant-Based Protein Bar Variety Pack. The flavors include Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip, Chunky Peanut Butter, Chocolate Fudge Brownie, and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
Overall Review & Verdict
Perhaps most importantly, the calorie-to-protein ratio is pretty decent, especially since it’s plant-based. There is also a good amount of fiber. According to the ingredients, it’s a mix of rice and pea protein.
When you look at these, they look very similar to Quest bars, essentially generic, uniform, blocky-looking, plain bars. Nothing really stands out looks-wise. All the bars look the same, a darker brownish Orange, except for the flavor Chocolate Fudge Brownie. They also have a very smooth, dry exterior.
When you bite into them, they’re soft, definitely not as chewy or thick as a Quest Bar, nor waxy. They’re softer, fairly easy to bite through, but what I immediately noticed was how dry they are. They aren’t crumbly dry; however, you will need something to drink with them! Overall, they have a light, mostly generic, though pleasant, chew, and are soft, but the dryness detracts quite a bit from the experience. Lastly, each bar had a small amount of mix-ins, such as chocolate chips or peanuts; however, they weren’t very noticeable, making the bars more uniform than I’d like.
Notably, none of these have any weird, artificial, or fake-sweetener tastes — but there is absolutely a “protein bar” flavor here. In fact, it’s some of the strongest I’ve tasted in any protein bar. It’s not bad, it just tastes different and may be off-putting even if you’re used to protein bars. Essentially, it’s a dull, protein powder taste, and coupled with the fact that these bars are mildly sweet as is, their advertised flavors are hindered way, way too much than they ought to be.
If I had to label these, I would say they’re among the most generic-feeling and tasting bars around. They’re not horrible; they just aren’t exciting, and with all the other bars and brands on the market, they fall well below average. They give “first iteration protein bar” vibes.” Simply put, the strong, dulling protein bar taste and the boring eating experience all lend themselves to asking, “Why did I even get these?”
Flavor Ranking
1. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
A small amount of mini chocolate chips is embedded throughout, providing just a tiny bit of contrast to the already uniform bar’s mouthfeel. It doesn’t do much, but it’s there.
The flavor is where this flavor shines. It’s the sweetest on the list–not overly sweet, but in terms of overall protein bars, I’d say about average–and this is expected because the other bars on this list lack that sugar. This sweetness carries the surprisingly authetic tasting cookie dough flavor. Really, when I bit in, I didn’t expect the flavor to come through so accurately. It felt weird because the bar has a protein-bar mouthfeel and looks boring, yet the flavor is quite tasty!
Still, like the others, there is that “protein bar” taste alongside it. It’s not as strong, however, as the sweetness and cookie-dough flavor do just enough to almost ignore it and to make this bar passable, putting it at the top of this list.
2. Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip
This has little embedded dark chocolate chips throughout its brown, mostly uniform protein concoction. It’s a subtle addition I wish they’d add more of.
This tastes like a regular protein bar, with a very light sweetness and traces of peanut and chocolate. The peanut is too light, and the chocolate is even lighter–you really have to try to find it! Simply put, this needs more sweetness, and it doesn’t help that the protein bar-like taste overrides the peanut and chocolate too much, making the entire bar feel more like a plain, unflavorful mild peanut.
3. Chunky Peanut Butter
There isn’t much of a difference between this flavor and Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip. The only difference I noticed was that this seemed to have maybe 4-5 itty-bitty actual peanuts inside. They were so small and far in between, however, that the entire bar had a uniform mouthfeel. In this regard, the Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip had an ever-so-slightly better texture.
Taste-wise, it was exactly like Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip without the hint of chocolate. You could honestly blindfold me, and I’d probably say they’re the same flavor: a dull, generic protein bar flavor first and foremost, with a mildness of peanut.
4. Chocolate Fudge Brownie
The only one on the list that looks different: a dark cocoa-looking bar. Little chocolate chip pieces are also embedded in this and provide a tiny contrast to the uniform feel of the bar, but it’s simply not enough to be aprecitable.
Also, unlike the others, this bar feels different: it’s the driest, as if they added dark cocoa powder and skipped any counteracting moistening ingredients, making it worse than it should be. This dark cocoa powder doesn’t ring well with its strong protein bar taste either — it all just tastes so generic, plain, and, coupled with the dryness, just not great. Sure, they added cocoa — and that sounds nice —but the complete lack of sweetness and generic protein bar flavor make this bar dull and unenjoyable.