In this tier list, I rank all of the Legendary Foods’ Protein Pastries, AKA “protein Pop-Tarts.”
Having roots dating back to 2009, Legendary Foods has a detailed history with releases mimicking Pop-Tarts, donuts, and other sweet treats. They’ve become a viral sensation, especially on places like TikTok, with people clamoring to try their new and creative releases.
What do these have in common?
Compared to regular Pop-Tarts, there is zero comparison. These are substantially thicker, softer, lightly chewy, and almost have a homemade feel. It genuinely feels like a moist biscuit pastry you’d find at a bake shop. Essentially, they resemble biting through a thick piece of premium pastry–the mouthfeel is great! It reminds me of a cross between a biscuit, a chewy cookie, and a thick piece of cake. They leave Pop-Tarts in the dust in terms of quality and composition.
Inside these thick, doughy pastries is a medium-sized, dried filling. There is a small difference between some of the flavors, but for the most part, it’s aprecitable (and they definitely have a lot more filling vs. a regular Poptart!). The only downside is that it’s already very similar to the soft and thick shell itself, so don’t expect a huge contrast between the two. Lastly, on top of the pastry itself is an ultra-thin icing that tends not to add much aside from giving it a Pop-Tarts look.
Notably, the company recommends trying these microwaved for a few seconds. For the most part, the flavors tend to remain roughly the same in most cases, though the texture becomes even softer and moister–definitely a small upgrade overall in this department.
Overall, the differences in the flavors come from the filling because other than that, it’s a buttery piece of doughy pastry–definitely good on its own, especially with its amazing texture, and could easily be enjoyable without any additions of this filling or frosting.
Ranking
1. Brown Cinnamon Sugar
Brown Cinnamon Sugar nearly nails the iconic cinnamon roll flavor, albeit there is a small pinch of bitter artificialness that could be chalked up to the sweeter or concentrated parts of the cinnamon itself. Still, I was personally able to mostly ignore a lot of it and enjoy the nuanced cinnamon roll flavor: creamy, cinnamony, sugary–and coupled with this taste, the texture worked with it perfectly! Also, maybe it was just mine, but the filling inside these compared to many others on this list was a little thicker, giving it a further chunkier, more filling bite from the generous inner layer of brown cinnamon sugar.
Lastly, heating these up made it definitely feel like a real cinnamon roll. Sure, some of the artificialness was still there, but the warmth was such a great welcome addition!
2. Chocolate Cake
Why does Chocolate Cake have a dark army green icing layer on top? Looks kind of weird, but anyway…
These are brownies–you can’t convince me otherwise. They have a reasonably dark, but not too bitter taste, though they do suffer from some artificialness from the sweetener they use. The sweetness and flavor, overall, are around that of a regular brownie, and without the fake sweetener background taste, they’d be about identical. In addition, their mouthfeel reminds me of a thick fudgey brownie, especially when heated up, which makes them even softer, pliable, and overall more enjoyable. Lastly, the shell and filling are uniform both in flavor and composition–essentially, these are a dark (artificial) chocolately brownie.
3. Hot Fudge Sundae
Hot Fudge Sunday is definitely reminiscent of just that. In fact, it does remind me a bit of their Pop-Tarts cousins in a sense; however, they’re still different as they’re less sweet and more artificial. That aside, I can make out the creaminess, light semi-sweet chocolate from the filling, as well as vanilla from the icing top and pastry shell itself, which all combine to make up the iconic hot fudge Sunday flavor.
Unfortunately, as I alluded to–like the others, there is a noticeable artificial and slightly sharp bitter taste. Without it, the flavor would be near perfect, so it does detract from the experience enough to bring it down a level. Also, heating them up doesn’t change much aside from making them softer and moister.
4. Cookies & Cream
Reminds me of an off-brand artificial Oreo with an aftertaste. The pastry shell was definitely giving me Oreo vibes–semi-sweet, cocoa powder flavor and dark, while the inside filling gave it a smidge of extra sweetness–still not quite as sweet as an Oreo, but definitely sweet enough and not lacking.
Honestly, I definitely would have appreciated more filling as it felt too thin for this type of flavor and treat. Basically, these do sport a cookies and cream taste, though they could be a little more creamy and slightly sweeter. Lastly, heating them up, I felt like the artificialness came through more, making it a tiny bit more bitter than it already was.
5. Birthday Cake
This is so pretty! Pink frosting on top with a thick inner pink layer of frosting! It contrasts nicely with the off white pastry. And maybe it was just me, the filling looked a little more generous compared to several others on this list.
Looks aside, if I had to guess, I’d point to an artificial, bitterish, plain sugary vanilla-tasting flavor. It’s definitely not birthday cake and only flirts with vanilla–it mostly really is a fake-tasting sugar pastry. Not terrible by any means, but if you’re expecting a super sweet birthday cake or flavorful vanilla, this isn’t really it.
After heating them up, some bitterness remained, although a tiny bit more sugary vanilla came out, making it more enjoyable both in terms of flavor and texture.
6. Strawberry
The Strawberry’s icing looks so unique; it looks like Fruity Pebbles were melted on it, as it’s very colorful and fruity-looking.
Surprisingly (and unfortunately), these are just mildly sweet, though, with very little artificial taste (great!), especially compared to others on here. Notably, they are also clearly different than strawberry Pop-Tarts because they aren’t as punchy, sweet, or sharp tasting–these are instead a much more pleasant, regular sugary-based strawberry taste. After microwaving, the flavors didn’t seem to change much.
7. Cherry Crumble
Cherry Crumble, as the name implies, does have some crumbly pieces on top, but not enough to make any real impression aside from looking cool. The filling is also quite thin compared to the others here, which might explain why the flavor is so light. It’s definitely cherry, but by no means as strongly flavored or artificial as others on the list. This flavor comes across as more pleasant and inoffensive overall, so I’d suggest using this one as an introductory flavor for those who are wary of trying protein snacks like this. Lastly, microwaving them didn’t change the flavor much.
8. S’mores
S’mores, interestingly, were more dry-feeling than most others on this list–the shell seemed to have been made differently; it tasted nice though, having a light graham cracker taste. Unfortunately, it was also held back by the filling, which was thin and only had a super mild semi-sweet chocolate taste. Also, where is the marshmallow? No signs of that anywhere in this pastry!
Like the others, there was a smidge of bitter artificialness, but it was light enough to mostly ignore. Overall, it reminded me of a semi-sweet, doughy, and thick chocolate chip cookie, not s’mores. Heating them up didn’t change the flavor much either.
9. Blueberry
The Blueberry had a slightly bitter and sharp artificiality to it. I couldn’t exactly figure out if it was blueberry or not without having to read the package, though I’d guess it was some type of berry made with a bit too much sweetener; however, at the same time, it wasn’t very sweet either. It’s like the sweetness was mostly taken out, and the aftertaste remained. Indeed, the berry was very light and sharp despite the filling being on the thinner side; in fact, the flavor is mostly represented by the actual pastry shell itself: a doughy and buttery dough. Throwing them in the microwave didn’t change much aside from making the texture softer.